Fading away. 12/22/12

I'm standing in the rain, waiting on you, every song's lyrics whisper your name in my ear. Each word lingers and reminds me of my fears. You could be coming to save me, but most likely I'll be the one falling on my knees. The reminders of your smell will wash away and the tingles of your touches will slowly disappear. Words you gently stuck in my ear will find their escape route. Memories will slide by faster than the time I spent with you. Soon you'll take it all away.

Home 12/21/12

I fell in love with this place called home, the only place I ever thought I wanted to leave, it's taken hold of my hand and led me gently down this path of healing. Everyday has opened my eyes; I've shed those lost tears; I've placed my trust in the familiarity of something that used to be my biggest fear; this place has officially confused me. Family is why I want to stay and build from what I'm so comfortable with. Questions linger when I'm searching for my new step. Every fallen leaf, every rain drop, every mountain view keeps me contained. Then there's those nights with you. Are you my meant to be; are you the home for me? Every lingering kiss, every smile pressed on my lips, every early morning, every thing about you keeps me around. I just don't know if we're going anywhere farther from where we left it last time.

Letting Go.

Cleanse your soul: Every tear drop for every lost memory. Every faded desire, just let it out. You know where you're happiness is held. A smile replaces every memory that ever ended with a fallen tear drop.

Done And Over. 11/27/12

Sit down by the river,
Let the smoke roll back,
Crank up the heat and lay back the seat,
Just think of you,
That's all I do just sittin here.
Let that 30 degree weather take over,
Watch the waves bubble over,
Picture your face sitting next to me,
Holding my hand like we did that summer.
Watch the cars drive to the other side,
Thinking about how I can't decide if we're meant to be,
Should we just let go or hold on tighter?
Like the day light disappears so do all the mistakes you've made,
I just can't choose what's better.
Should I walk away by myself or should I fight harder?
My mind and heart aren't working
together.

Lesson learned. 11/26/12

I feel like writing again, but I don't know where to start or how it began. Our memories blend together like snowflakes hitting the ground. Our love was not earth-shattering, but our days were often filled breaking and mending again. You never tasted as sweet after a binge of fighting and yelling at each other for the same thing. I never wanted you more then when you walked out of my house; I never held on as tight when you told me you were leaving because of everything I did. Yes, the perfect disaster we created fueled my every move and put me in moods of hatred for days on end. Our undying "love" left leaving impossible and staying a necessity, when leaving ended in broken pieces of every odd and end all smashed to the ground. Your unstable actions were unpredictable and feared, not only by me but everyone in between. A show we must have staged that was impossible to end. A love to devote, in which nothing would tear us apart, for two musicians in love is far too much emotion to be contained or managed without creating a show. We upstaged each other on various occasions, but one thing we created that blew away others, our finale - our relationship as a whole.